Summer Reading for Neo-Conservatives

Tired of listening to the same old Iraq bullshit? Yeah, I know how you feel. A car bombing here, a kidnapping there, blah, blah, blah- let up already, right?

Dead-damn-diddily wrong. Rather than tirade I will simply point a short, stubby finger at Bill Maher, because this blog is all his fault. I was watching his HBO show Real Time a short while ago with a few friends, and he had neo-conservative visionary Richard Perle on for an interview via satellite. Let me tell you, no amount of makeup could have made this mug beautiful once it was enlarged and projected onto the twelve-foot-wide digital screen Maher has in his studio.

This particular episode must have been filmed sometime shortly after the Iraqi general elections, because rather than challenging the man, Maher dropped his ideologies, dropped to his knees, and then pretty much asked Perle to drop his trousers.

“I’ll admit you guys may have been right in going forward with this Iraq invasion,” Maher said. I was shocked as I listened to Maher continue with his praise of the apparent progress in Iraq towards a free democracy.

Well I got news for you, Bill. There is a human cost to any war, and that is why, no matter what the outcome in Iraq, this aggression will not stand.

So, for those of you who feel like Maher, for those of you beginning to see light in Bush’s foreign policy, for those of you who have your fingers crossed, hoping to see democracy spread through the Middle-East like maple syrup over blueberry pancakes, I have assembled a list of some of the greatest pieces of anti-war literature ever written. Should you choose to read them, these books will help bring you back to earth and remember that the world is no chess game, and that pawns and queens alike can die painfully if you pump them full of shrapnel and mustard gas.

Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. This book takes place within the mind of an armless, legless vet who is confined to a hospital bed (heavy shit). Mind blowing ending.

Born On the Fourth of July by Ron Kovic. A true life memoir of a Vietnam vet's experience with the war. A damn good book, especially considering that Korvic isn't a trained writer.

All quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque. The story of an entrenched battalion of German teens fighting a war of attrition in WWI. Very well written.

Catch-22 by Joseph Keller. Set in the closing months of World War II in an American bomber squadron off Italy, this black comedy is the story of a bombardier named Yossarian, who is frantic and furious because thousands of people he hasn't even met keep trying to kill him. If you only read one of these books, make it this one.

There you have it kids. If you don't agree with Maher, and you're just tired of this war bullshit, these books will help you understand what our homies in the Middle East are going through. Don't forget where your morals at.